
A mother's journey from anger to surrender, learning to find faith and trust in God amidst the chaos of her daughter leaving home.
Turning Point
Having my daughter leave our home the way she did really turned things upside down for me. I knew deep down that there was so much dysfunction within our relationship, but I never for a second thought that she would just get up and leave the way she did.
Up until the day she left, I remember thinking that our relationship would never change - that this was just the way it was going to be, and I had settled for that. But the Lord had other plans.
Secret Relationship
She had just graduated from high school and was working at a restaurant, where she met a boy who would soon become her boyfriend. One of the days that she was working late, the Lord brought to my attention that she was seeing someone and the need for me to discuss this with her. And so I did, she admitted to dating this guy and the desire to be with him. She asked me if I would meet him, to which I instantly answered no! I told her she was grounded for keeping this from us and that she couldn’t continue seeing this guy.
The Day Everything Changed
The following day, I asked her to keep an eye on the kids - so that I could go run some errands - within 10 minutes I received a message from her saying” I can’t do this anymore”. I drove back home and realized that the younger kids were left by themselves and that she had left the house.
I couldn’t believe what was happening. I was instantly filled with so much anger. My first initial thought process was, “And just like that, years and years of praying and teaching and covering for her to do things the right way - thrown away - just like that.”

Struggling with Unprocessed Pain
The next few months we’re filled with so much pain. I never stopped going to church - I continued serving and doing all the things - but not once did I bring all this pain to the lord. I prayed for her, I declared things over her - but I didn’t think for a moment that maybe it would be a good idea to process all this mess I was in on the inside with Him, and continued to go about life as if nothing was happening internally.
It’s so much easier to not deal with the pain than to actually deal with everything that is going on. At least that’s what I thought until I started seeing the effects of not dealing with my pain spill all over into those around me. Including my daughter. The anger, disappointment, and sadness I was experiencing kept me from Him. And my unwillingness to bring it to Him, prolonged my pain for longer than it should have!
Learning to Trust God
When I finally decided to bring my pain to God, wow was the enemy’s time over in my life. And in my daughter's life.
I kept sensing the Holy Spirit asking me to spend time with Him. And I kept ignoring it until it was so strong that I couldn’t keep avoiding it. I had no other choice but to be real with Him.
I remember telling Him, “Do you really think I want to spend time with you, with everything that is going on!?” Why in the world would I want to spend time with you, if you are seeing the pain I am in, and you are not doing anything about it!!!”
So many questions started to arise, that would reveal my view and beliefs about God. Do you even care God? Are you even listening? Why are you not helping me!? Are you not seeing this!?!?
God's Compassionate Response
I remember this day, clearly. I had never been so raw with the Lord. I was waiting for Him to rebuke me. But once I was able to get all the ugly out, He said “Roxy, I am not angry with you”. Through my honesty and vulnerability, He revealed a part of my heart that needed massive healing.
Prior to my daughter leaving to go live with her boyfriend, I saw God as an angry God, waiting around to rebuke me the moment my life wasn’t measuring up. A God that I couldn’t take my pain to, out of fear of Him responding in anger or a God that would simply not validate my pain. But I was so wrong! He not only validated every emotion and question I had but responded with so much kindness, compassion, and love. How could I resist that!?
I remember just pouring my heart out to Him, and telling Him, “Where else can I go, God? Who else could I run to!?”

Finding the Truth in God
One by one, He started to answer and remove every lie that the enemy was putting in my mind - like God isn’t aware of your pain, God’s not doing anything about it, God isn’t helping you, or God doesn’t care about what you’re going through. All a bunch of lies.
It was like my eyes suddenly opened and I was able to see how He has always been there for me, He has always helped me. It’s almost like all the pain I was carrying was keeping me from seeing this truth, but the moment I was able to release this pain to Him I was able to see Him for who He truly is - a helper, God who is full of kindness and love, God who validates my pain and is not angry when I choose to express it, God that is aware of my pain, and is not just standing there doing nothing about it.
Shifting My Focus
This encounter with the Lord shifted everything about how I was going about this trial. I was able to truly surrender my daughter to Him. My focus was no longer for God to bring my daughter back home, now my focus was for Him to work in my heart. To deal with me!
I didn’t know when or if she would ever come back home, but I wasn’t going to let that keep me from going after Him anymore. I continued to surrender my pain and my questions to Him daily! And He continued to show up for me each and every time. He started to walk with me and even gave me ways to engage with her, to the point where she started to come to me about a lot of the things she was going through because she was away from home. After a few months of me not focusing on her coming back home and just allowing Him to work in my own heart, she returned home.
God's Unexpected Blessings
It was 100% unexpected and I can say I had zero to do with it. It was all God. Here I was thinking that God was unaware, didn’t care, and not moving! Yet, having her back home has allowed me to see how big of a lie that was! He was doing a massive work even in her heart! She is not the same person she was before she left. I am not the person I was before she left! Our relationship is being restored - I have completely released her to the Lord and I think it has been the best decision I could have ever made.
My idea of the Lord encountering her was completely different than the way it happened. But He knows best. Now I know my role is not to be in control of anything, which is so silly, because going through what I went through with my daughter allowed me to see how much I really am not in control of anything even if I think I am or do everything in my power to be. I really am not and never will be.

Trusting God Through Trials
I am learning that I am better off learning to trust God and allowing Him to take control. Allowing God to deal with me through the trial instead of praying for Him to get me out of it. I now know that even though it seems as if He is not moving and is silent through difficult situations, He is always moving! Even if I don’t feel it, see it, or if it takes longer than I would like to see results, I just have to trust Him and allow Him to refine me and prepare my heart for when that one thing I’m waiting on does finally come.
A Journey Worth Taking
I am so glad that I chose to walk all this out with the Lord, I am so thankful that I chose to get help when needed, to be vulnerable with God, and to surrender all control to Him. It was not easy at all but it was all worth it.
ACTIVATION

Take a walk outside. As you walk, focus on your surroundings, breathe deeply, and reflect on areas in your life where you need to surrender control and trust God. Have a conversation with the Holy Spirit on what surrender and trust looks like for you.
When you get back from your walk, journal your thoughts.
Comments