As humans, we're wired to connect with others. We crave meaningful relationships and need empathy to build and maintain them.
But what is empathy, and why is it so crucial in our personal and professional relationships?
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person. It's the capacity to put yourself in someone else's shoes and see things from their perspective. Empathy is essential in our relationships because it allows us to:
Build trust and understanding
Resolve conflicts
Improve communication
Show compassion and kindness
Foster a sense of community and belonging
In our fast-paced, technology-driven world, growing our capacity for empathy is more important than ever. However, practicing empathy can be challenging, particularly when facing our own struggles and challenges.
One huge barrier to having a greater capacity to empathize and connect deeply with others can come from unresolved hurt, wounds, and pain - also known as trauma. Let’s explore how trauma impacts empathy, why empathy is essential for emotional health, and how healing can lead to a more joy-filled Christ-centered life.
Trauma is More Than You Think
What exactly is trauma?
Trauma isn’t limited to devastating events that happen to us like accidents or abuse but also encompasses not receiving the good things in life like safety, affection, and attention to need. It can manifest in many ways, from chronic stress to feelings of inadequacy.
Other examples of trauma include:
Emotional neglect in childhood: Growing up without emotional support can leave lasting scars.
Relational loss: Unprocessed grief can create emotional wounds that impact how we relate to others.
Uncertain future or financial hardship: The uncertainty and stress can feel overwhelming.
Bullying or social rejection: These experiences often lead to self-doubt and difficulty trusting others.
Chronic illness or injury: The physical and emotional toll can be traumatic.
In the simplest form, ANY time a scary or painful emotion is greater than the joy stored in the individual’s Joy Center (aka the right orbital prefrontal cortex), it becomes a trauma for that individual. That’s why what’s traumatic for one may not be traumatic for another. If the joy tank is low, it can’t absorb & neutralize the incoming pain and that’s what causes trauma.
Recognizing that trauma affects many of us helps demystify its impact and reminds us that healing is a journey everyone can benefit from.
How Trauma Impacts Empathy
How does trauma impact our ability to empathize and develop life-giving relationships? Unresolved trauma often shifts our focus inward and into survival-mode, as we try to protect ourselves from further pain. This self-protection can lead to:
Difficulty understanding others’ emotions: Trauma can distort how we interpret other people’s feelings, making it harder to connect. Do you find it hard to tell when someone is upset or happy? Do you often assume people are being critical or dismissive when they may not be?
Emotional numbing: Suppressing our own pain may inadvertently suppress our ability to empathize. Are you often indifferent to the challenges or joys others share? Do you tend to focus on your own thoughts during conversations instead of truly hearing the other person? Do you feel unsure or awkward when trying to console someone?
Hypervigilance or mistrust: When we’re on guard, it’s difficult to open up and relate to others authentically. Are you constantly scanning your environment for potential threats or signs of danger? Are you suspicious or hesitant when someone offers to assist you, or do you tend to reject help out of fear of being let down?
Research shows that trauma can disrupt both affective empathy (feeling what others feel) and cognitive empathy (understanding others’ perspectives). For example, individuals with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) may struggle to engage empathetically because their emotional bandwidth is consumed by managing their own distress. (1)
Healing Trauma to Cultivate Empathy
In our fast-paced busy world, many of us are desperately in need of connection, like weary sojourners in a parched desert. One crucial way to create an oasis for yourself and others in this desert environment that lacks heart connections is EMPATHY. However, trauma can hinder us from being able to grow in empathy. This is why healing from trauma is essential to regain the capacity for empathy.
Here are practical steps toward healing:
Acknowledge the Pain: Recognizing and naming your trauma is the first step.
Seek Support in Community: Healing happens in relationships. Share your journey with trusted friends, family, or a small group at church.
Practice Self-Compassion: Healing takes time. Be patient with yourself and trust in God’s grace to carry you through the process.
Engage in Acts of Service: Serving others shifts your focus outward and helps rebuild your empathetic capacity. Small gestures of kindness can have a profound impact on your heart.
Seek help: Due to the painful nature of trauma, processing these deep wounds on your own is not recommended. The traumatized heart is susceptible to being re-traumatized if addressed without the appropriate skillset. Jesus is the Great Physician. He’s the one who made your heart, no one knows it better. He not only empathizes with the pain in it, but He also wants to heal it. The INNERROOM is here to facilitate that ministry. We would love the opportunity to walk with you through this delicate process. If you prefer to seek professional assistance, please make sure your therapist or counselor is “trauma-informed”.
Conclusion
Unresolved trauma may hinder empathy, but intentional healing efforts through and with Jesus can restore our ability to connect deeply with others. By understanding the nature of trauma, we can approach ourselves and others with greater compassion, reflecting God’s love in our interactions. Let’s commit to walking this journey of healing, trusting that Jesus’ transformative power will bring restoration and renewed empathy to our lives.
(1) A study published in the Journal of Traumatic Stress found that unresolved trauma can lead to increased anxiety, depression, and decreased empathy. (Source: Herman, J. L. (1992). Trauma and recovery. Basic Books.)
ACTIVATION
Journaling Prompts
Reflect on a time when you felt emotionally drained or fatigued. How did you respond to the situation? What did you learn from the experience?
This question builds self-awareness and helps identify patterns in how you handle emotional stress. Reflecting on past fatigue shows whether you withdraw, seek support, or push through, allowing you to choose healthier responses.
It also deepens empathy—when you understand your own struggles, you become more compassionate toward others facing similar challenges.
Think about a relationship in your life where you struggle to connect with the other person. What are some potential barriers to empathy that may be present? What small steps could you take to overcome these barriers and build a stronger connection?
This activation exercise helps identify barriers to empathy—differences in communication, past conflicts, or personal biases.
Consider a time when you experienced trauma or unresolved issues. How did these experiences affect your ability to empathize with others? What steps can you take to work through these issues and cultivate a more empathetic heart?
By examining past experiences and how they affected your responses, you gain insight into your emotional patterns, identify areas needing healing, and recognize how unresolved pain may impact relationships.
Asking these questions encourages self-compassion, helping you acknowledge your struggles without shame. It also promotes intentional growth by guiding you to take actionable steps—whether through self-care, being more specific when seeking Jesus, heart healing sessions, or relational repair. Over time, this process rewires the brain, strengthens emotional resilience, and fosters deeper, more authentic connections with others.
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